Imagine my surprise when my last posting, a tidbit about relieving stress, was linked to Reddit, which is apparently some kind of internet clearinghouse for articles about Barack Obama and photos of kitty cats. Within moments, I noticed a huge spike in traffic to my normally moribund site. People were not only reading the post, but taking the time to leave thoughtful messages like this one:
“Who the hell is this guy? Celebrity? In your own head, maybe. let me guess, headed to the gym in 26 minutes?”
And this one:
“You are easily one of the biggest hacks in the entertainment industry today.”
And this one:
“Who are you, sorry? My celebrity-meter is reading a big fat zero...”
What these people don’t realize is that OF COURSE I am a celebrity. It says so on my blog. But just because I am a celebrity (very famous) doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings. I do. And those feelings, fortunately, are usually numbed by prescription medications and acupuncture.
My blog used to be a happy place where likeminded people gathered to exchange lighthearted bonhomie. Now, with my sudden internet stardom, it has become no better than Times Square pre-Giuliani: a cesspool of boarded-up bodegas and adult novelty stores. And guess what? I like it. I like it a lot.
Yes, there will always be haters, just as there will always be panda bears (fingers crossed). But I don’t let either haters or panda bears spoil my day. Not when there is so much good to wring from having a blog as popular as mine. With all this attention, I finally know what it feels like to be Chris “Leave Brittany alone” Crocker: incredible. Internet fame is like regular fame only without all the annoying “money” and “power.”
It’s a good day to be on the internet. A very good day indeed. My ever-present security guard Major Quimby (pictured below) has asked that we beef up my security detail. I’ve told him to go ahead and do that. Not because I feel I need any extra security, but because I welcome any excuse to bring more mustachioed men in Prussian army uniforms into my entourage.
(Major Quimby)
I say, I say! Quite so. Eh, wot?
This Ian Black fellow is quite a humorist and has a stiffer upper lip than my dear grannie.
I say, this fellow should not --I repeat, not --be required to consume a bowl of penises, or eat a bowl of dicks, or whatever colorful colonial phrase is being bantered around on the other side of the pond these days.
Posted by: Winston Ballgag Steamchumper | May 30, 2008 at 10:25 AM
I ran across your blog from the first reddit post, thought it was good stuff and took a braincation. Your response has been posted as well and I'll have to say that they really think your spot on and very funny. Don't let the haters (or panda bears) get you down there will always be assholes on the internet.
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19/
Posted by: sosuke | May 30, 2008 at 10:33 AM
Major Quimby owes me five pieces of eight, ironically enough.
Posted by: Mike from Brooklyn | May 30, 2008 at 10:34 AM
where can I get 'the state' dvds? are they around? can you pull some strings? i will expect a detailed blog post detailing the details of this issue.
Posted by: William | May 30, 2008 at 10:35 AM
Are you the ass pennies guy? No, that's the dip my balls in it guy...
Posted by: d00d | May 30, 2008 at 10:58 AM
Finally, another place to visit while I am supposed to be working.
Posted by: Patrick | May 30, 2008 at 11:08 AM
I found this blog from reddit, but I am a big fan. Anybody who hasn't seen Wet Hot American Summer doesn't deserve to know who you are.
Posted by: Ky7le | May 30, 2008 at 11:19 AM
You're the man! Loved The State. Forget Reddit. Their digestive tract is on backwards.
Posted by: weefs | May 30, 2008 at 11:41 AM
You're obviously a regular on reddit, because it's only once or twice a week maybe that lolcats make it to the front page. Otherwise they would be unnoticeable to a once/two time viewer. This simple logical deduction shows that you are indeed a closet redditor.
You seem to speak down at the site, spewing the the phrase "Apparently it's some kind of..." as if you are above it when in fact you USE it. My retort to your vague and broad insult is that, by the very definition of the insult you ARE a douche bag. Get over yourself, you are just another peon on the industry, but a slightly less minuscule peon online (only because we paid attention to your retarded blog for a day) Go back to your day job and hush.
Posted by: Jesus | May 30, 2008 at 12:18 PM
Haha, awesome Michael Ian Black. I loved you on Celebrity Poker Showdown. People are busy watching their Reality Crap TV shows now, so actual actors are becoming less known. You need to release a sex tape to get in the news now days if you are an actor who can act, or I suppose an actor who can't act as well.
imdb.com
Posted by: BigtexATX | May 30, 2008 at 12:40 PM
Is Major Quimby available for hire?
Posted by: tom | May 30, 2008 at 01:06 PM
I was in that dude's closet and upgraded that piece of crap "celbri-meter" ...Good news, it werks. The bad news is it needed a bigger dail. When I went to your webpage the needle began pegging backwards, reading negative numbers. But! ...it caused an interger rollover reading numbers OVER 9000. However, after being fix'd once more, it started saying you suck again (at what ever it is you do) and that you need to pick a different career. My panel of experts and I must say that we, too, concur. As we unamimously agree with said evidence.
Posted by: Apyllon | May 30, 2008 at 01:58 PM
Mr. Black -- I'm a long-time contributor/reader of Reddit and I too came across your site yesterday from one of the up-voted links
This response post to the crap comments you got yesterday was perfect!
A) You didn't get pissed off and go on some tirade
B) The reply was funny
C) I'll be visiting more often :)
Regards,
Teh Greek
Posted by: teh greek | May 30, 2008 at 02:40 PM
>eh, reddit isn't all obama articles and kitties. there are plenty of articles about linux as well.
Don't forget about the Ron Paul articles!
Great post Michael, keep writing like this and reddit will worship you. On the other hand, if you keep writing like this reddit will worship you.......
Posted by: Curtis119 | May 30, 2008 at 03:40 PM
wtf?? everyone i know loves Michael Ian Black, especially the ladies! i have been masturbating to his image since 1993. true story.
Posted by: pixote | May 30, 2008 at 06:07 PM
wtf?? everyone i know loves Michael Ian Black, especially the ladies! i have been masturbating to his image since 1993. true story.
Posted by: pixote | May 30, 2008 at 06:08 PM
I think logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead -- so FEEEEED YOUR HEEEEEEAD!
Smooches back to you Reenie!!
Posted by: Jaime | May 30, 2008 at 09:42 PM
I am a pathetic basement dwelling socially impaired nerdburglar who hasn't touched a boob in ten years because I spend all of my free time screwing around on the internet. That being said, I have no idea wtf reddit is. But I know who MIB is though.
Numerous scientific studies have shown that the size of a blogger's e-dong is proportional to his hit count, and if that's the case, then these days MIB's junk is hanging LOW. My guess is that reddit is just jealous of your newly found tremendous e-penis. In fact, one might say that Michael Ian Black's elephantine e-testicles drag behind him as he traverses the fallow fields of the internet, leaving twin furrows through the forsaken e-soil.
I know I just spent the whole comment talking about your package, but I'm not gay. I swear.
Well, ok, maybe just a little bit gay.
Posted by: Balki Baltakamous | May 30, 2008 at 10:56 PM
Hillary is toast!
Rye toast!
Posted by: Barack | June 04, 2008 at 02:31 PM
hey you were in sierra mist commercials, hat else do you have to do to get people to recognize you as a celebrity?
maybe you should star in some movies/television shows, have a successful comedy trio as well as being an excellent solo comedian, be an accomplished writer, possibly appear on some VH1 nostalgia series.
until you do all that, you'll have to put up with what those experts at reddit have to say about you
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Posted by: adidasshoes | April 27, 2010 at 04:46 AM
Haters will always be haters and it depends on a person if he/she can handle the harsh words from other people, if he/she will get affected.
Posted by: Brian Hernandez | December 27, 2012 at 11:19 AM