I know that I have been a little MIA with the blog lately and I apologize. Saturday I flew home, after a month in Los Angeles, then spent Father's Day at home ignoring my children. Monday I ran errands (played poker, did some blow), Tuesday I ran more errands (ordered mulch, did a little more blow), and today I am at my friend Michael Showalter's expansive Brooklyn manse. We are hard at work on a hush-hush television project for one of the only two networks that will employ me: Comedy Central. At the moment he is at the veterinarian because one of his cats has the dropsies. Actually, I'm not sure what the problem is with his cat, but I'm hoping they put the thing to sleep because when I was eating lunch earlier today, it stuck its big cat snout in my cream soda, rendering it undrinkable. Many people would say that just because a cat sniffed my soda pop is no reason to wish for its death, but many people aren't me. I'm me, and I want it dead. I freely admit that my anger may be misdirected at the cat, when the person I am really angry at is me due to some unresolved emotional issues, but as I think about it, I think it really is directed at the cat. Anyway, I also did a photo shoot today for New York's hometown paper, The Daily News. They're going to run an article sometime soon about me and my book. I went to Amazon to see how the book is selling. Not well, my friends, not well at all. It's ranked number 65,414. That's not very good. Of course the book doesn't come out for almost a whole month, but I'm still concerned. To contrast, Chelsea Handler and David Sedaris, two contemporaries also writing humorous fiction, each have a book in the top 10. That's 65,314 places better than me. Are Chelsea Handler and David Sedaris 65,313 places better than me? I don't think so. Especially when you consider how short David Sedaris is. My height alone should prove my worth against him. Anyway, those are my wheareabouts. Tomorrow and for the foreseeable future, I will also be working with Showalter. You are probably chomping at the bit wondering what kind of amazingness we are coming up for Comedy Central, but I am not going to tell you because that would spoil the surprise. But I will say this: it's going to be at least the 65,414th funniest show on television.