Last night I went to my favorite place in Los Angeles, the Commerce Casino, for some hot poker sex. Did I win? Let’s put it this way: yes.
Most of you have probably never seen that much money in one place before and chances are you’re freaking out. I don’t blame you. That’s A LOT of money. So much money that I don’t feel safe walking around, even with my ever-present security guard Major Quimby (pictured below).
Normally I like to tell my readers where I’m going to be on a daily basis (donating blood, helping orphans, etc.) but Major Quimby has advised me to keep my whereabouts a secret until I deposit this cash in one of my numerous offshore accounts. Major Quimby is a total fag.