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May 29, 2008

I Am Drunk On Internet Celebrity - Thanks, Reddit!

Imagine my surprise when my last posting, a tidbit about relieving stress, was linked to Reddit, which is apparently some kind of internet clearinghouse for articles about Barack Obama and photos of kitty cats. Within moments, I noticed a huge spike in traffic to my normally moribund site. People were not only reading the post, but taking the time to leave thoughtful messages like this one:

“Who the hell is this guy? Celebrity? In your own head, maybe. let me guess, headed to the gym in 26 minutes?”

And this one:

“You are easily one of the biggest hacks in the entertainment industry today.”

And this one:

“Who are you, sorry? My celebrity-meter is reading a big fat zero...”

What these people don’t realize is that OF COURSE I am a celebrity. It says so on my blog. But just because I am a celebrity (very famous) doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings. I do. And those feelings, fortunately, are usually numbed by prescription medications and acupuncture.

My blog used to be a happy place where likeminded people gathered to exchange lighthearted bonhomie. Now, with my sudden internet stardom, it has become no better than Times Square pre-Giuliani: a cesspool of boarded-up bodegas and adult novelty stores. And guess what? I like it. I like it a lot.

Yes, there will always be haters, just as there will always be panda bears (fingers crossed). But I don’t let either haters or panda bears spoil my day. Not when there is so much good to wring from having a blog as popular as mine. With all this attention, I finally know what it feels like to be Chris “Leave Brittany alone” Crocker: incredible. Internet fame is like regular fame only without all the annoying “money” and “power.”

It’s a good day to be on the internet. A very good day indeed. My ever-present security guard Major Quimby (pictured below) has asked that we beef up my security detail. I’ve told him to go ahead and do that. Not because I feel I need any extra security, but because I welcome any excuse to bring more mustachioed men in Prussian army uniforms into my entourage.


(Major Quimby)


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One word for you:class act


Aha! I was wondering why you had 36 comments... and 24 of them weren't from me.


Mib (I call you Mib), I heart you.


OUCH those comments are effd up. But you know you're famous and that's all that matters. Also, you know you're the hottest jew out there right?


Reddit - the shining scholars of the internet.


I was wondering that as well. I thought perhaps I'd slipped into some bunny hole and things had gone topsy turvy. Can't wait for your androgynous mascara'd sobbing video Michael. I heart you too.

your mind turns me on

One other word for you: nice ass


Jaime, that was funny. When the truth is known..tooooobeeeeeeeeeeeeliiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeesssssssssss and all the whatever..withinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn you dies - don't you want somebody to love?
I have had too much bubbly and I now bid you A DEW. s

This blog made me giggle. I like the Quimby touch too. And you are adorable Mikey - just lovin' on all the crazy comments. Only you have thick enough skin for that. I'd be in a fetal position. Just a rockin' and a rolling.

Smooooooooooochies to all of my homies.
Oh and. I had to look up 2 words on this blog - they were as follows: moribund AND bonhomie AND (that makes 3 I mean) AND bodegas. Thankie for the vocab stretch.
And now I must go stretch on a couch.

I bid A DEW again.

And I give smooches AGAIN.


lol what a douchebag

Johnny Red Jeans

I love you Ms. Pac-Man.


lol what a douchebag

a friend two friends

sometimes I watch you sleep, but that is just something you'll have to accept


reddit isn't all that bad. I mean, I found out that you have a blog! Imagine my surprise when a celebrity such as you had a place on the Internet where a mild mannered citizen as myself could read each heartfelt word personally typed by yourself!

keep on writing and I shall read ^_^


only douchebags say "lol".


eh, reddit isn't all obama articles and kitties. there are plenty of articles about linux as well.

Robert Rossney

Having found the medium you were born for (and I mean this with sincerest admiration), you really need to get a spot on I Love The 50's, the 40's, the 30's, and oh those wacky 20s. I would pay actual cash money to see those.


One word:


Everyone cool knows what I'm talking about. Now lets go caroling.

Ur Bruddah


Rich Seymour

You've always been very famous ever since you helped show just what $240 could do on cable TV. Much love.


Well, you lose points for being on that pile of crap, Tom Goes to the Mayor, but Stella was awesome. Need moar Stella.

Enjoy your popular cesspool.




He's famous and he's funny, I've always liked this guy. Now I know his name, yay!

Mikel Ean White

I went to your wiki and there was no Filmography but there was no Filmography, or any ___ograpy for that matter.

Step your game up, hack.


I was actually impressed with the cultural acumen of the person who referenced John Fitzgerald Page -- a REAL Internet celebrity, AND a douchebag, if Gawker has anything to say about it.

Given that Reddit remains a confusing and badly designed mystery...yeah, whatever.

Ima sceeered

Make the bad guys go away!

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